The controversy of Bon Bons and Thing One

So here is another New Moon. And once again I have been so wrapped up in my day to day life that I didn't even realize it. Not until I saw it on another blog. It is even written on my freakin' calender. What kind of Witch am I? After all, am I not supposed to have some kind of six sense about this? Some kind of tingling? A flash behind closed eyes? A spirit popping in like that of a bird in a cuckoo clock stating, "New Moon. New Moon." in sing song. Crap! There are moments in time when I feel so disconnected from this planet. And once again I ask,

"WHAT KIND OF WITCH AM I?"

And yet, even though there is no circle, no incense, no candles, the New Moon brought change and new beginnings into my life. Tonight is the first night before the first day and the first day back to school for Cat in the Hat and Thing One. Tomorrow we start third grade and kindergarten. I have no worries over Cat in the Hat. She LOVES LOVES school. To punish her I threaten to take her out of school and make her miss days. And she always whips right back into shape. Odd. Very odd. Especially knowing that she came from me. Why?

Because I hate school. Love to learn. But hate school. I can't exactly say what it is or if there was any particular moment or moments in my schooling career that led me to this feeling. But I can say this, the more my children become schoolers the more my anxiety of it all builds. Sounds silly. Even now as I type it I feel silly about it all. I mean what is it that I should have a problem about? It is my kids who are in it now, not me. I am the adult not the student. But yet when ever I get near a school, a teacher, a classroom I just start getting anxiety attacks.

Case in point: We had open house the other night and on my way home I gripped the steering wheel so fucking hard that my knuckles were bloodless, white and sore. I told Lord of the House that he needs to start becoming the parent that interacts with the school system. I can not handle it any longer. And this is where I worry about Thing One.

We started her off in PreK two years ago. She was three. The same age we started Cat in the Hat at. I know. I know. You can not expect one child to be like the other. But in the Montessori system age three is the age to start with. She loved school. Well at least class. And the teachers. And the tools. And the learning. And fellow students. And recess. Maybe not so much lunch (she threw most of hers away). But hated going. I mean HATED. They would drag her off kicking and screaming. It sounds more horrible than it really was. But from a Mothers perspective it was WAY worse than this description. She would comment every night at the dinner table that her favorite part of the day was NOT being in school. Like me, there was no one moment or thing or teacher or student that could explain her feelings. Just that she did not want to be there. Like me.

So what does this mean? It means that I will not go an entire year again to realize that
She. May. Be. Just. Like. ME. (Can you feel the cringe?) And then what? (And I ask again, can you feel the cringe?) I will have to buckle under for the bumpy ride of home schooling. Not exactly what I envisioned for the next 13 years of my life. I was hoping for bon bons and soap opera days and "what did you do in school?" dinners. But then again I have always said that if anyone was going to send my children to a pricey therapist when they get older it's gonna be me.

Could it be too late to teach her that the sky is actually red?