Finding Peace

I am a loner by nature. The sound of silence. The fill of an empty room. The touch of space. Completely lost in my own minds eye. I can find solitude in a room full of people as well. Melting into the background. Vanishing from all human eyes. Becoming the observer. Never interacting. Never effecting my surroundings. Never there.

Although some may say that I should seek out therapy (for many other reasons as well), I truly prefer this. I thrive on it. I learn, I grow, I become more in tune with myself and my surroundings, I create, I flow, I am calm, I am at peace.

I have, however, brought into my existence something quite the contrary. My life is full of busyness, friends, family, work, school etc etc etc. Never a moment breathe..............................

Never
a
moment
to
breathe.

I have thought throughout my self induced chaos that what I really needed to do was to learn how to thrive in it. Find the calm in the storm. The silence in words. Trying not to shrink into oblivion while I am amongst my Tribe. Find peace in my children's eyes. Knowing in my heart that this is necessary to keep me entwined with the world I have created, the world I find so dear and close to me, the world I would fall into nothingness if I would ever to lose it. I work hard at this everyday, every moment, with every breathe I have. But I fear that I come up short of perfection.

But that is alright by me at this moment. I am coming to terms with it. I am no longer struggling. And today, amongst the chaos of my three little Loki's, I found peace. At least for a bit. Because last night I found my solitude once again.

In the wee hours around my birth time. The chill of the night. The arms of darkness. The hush of silence. The warmth of my rocking chair. A stolen bit of time. The universe enveloped me and together we found my space. My sanctity. My knowledge. My strength. My inner peace. My breathe.

Breathe in
Breathe out
Breathe in
Breathe out

Took me ten years but now I know that I do not have to replace one with the other. I can have the two entwined. Braided. Interacting with each other. Giving strength where needed. Peace when desired.

This is my space. My solitude. Something for the loner in me to reside in.